Every time the Sunday Scriptures deal with the topic of marriage, I automatically recall one of my favorite passages from Greg Boyle’s book Tattoos on the Heart. Greg writes about a trip he took with his mother to the hospital to visit his dad. Greg’s mom has brought along a pillow in a flowery case for her husband, and Greg comments that the hospital already has pillows. His mom explains, “Oh gosh… your father…he asked for a pillow from my side of the bed.” They roll eyes at each other and continue to the hospital. Then Greg says:
At the hospital, my folks greet each other in their customary way—the two-peck kiss. Two birds snatching up the last seeds. My mom slides into the restroom. And I am at the window of his room, just north of the head of this bead. I’m about to make small talk about the view from up here, but I turn and see that may father has placed the flowery pillow over his face. He breathes in so deeply and then exhales, as he places the pillow behind his head. For the rest of the morning, I catch him turning and savoring again the scent of the woman whose bed he’s shared for nearly half a century. We breathe in the spirit that delights in our being—the fragrance of it. And it works on us. Then we exhale (for that breath has to go somewhere)—to breathe into the world this same spirt of delight, confident that this is God’s only agenda.
Wow. How touching! How beautiful!
Now, I must admit, when I used this passage in a homily some years back when I was ministering at Mother of Mercy House, I looked up at our intimate gathering, expecting the women to be all teary-eyed and guffawing. Instead, many of them were rolling their eyes. One woman even called out to me, “You can tell you’d never been married.” Everybody broke out into laughter and applause. It took a while for us all to regain our composure. Oh well, so much for romance…
But, even if marriages aren’t perfect, even if relationships are downright tough, we all do well to remember Greg Boyles’ last words in that paragraph: confident that this is God’s only agenda.
Friends, God has one agenda and one agenda only. It never changes. It doesn’t depend on our moral status at any given moment. It is always always always the same: God’s only agenda is Love. All God does is Love, with a fierce bonding love. God breathes out God’s essence, Love, into the entire Cosmos. God delights in every single creature She has ever created—every last blade of grass! And all God wants is that we breathe in that breath of love and delight in the fact that we are loved—here, now, in this very moment, just as we are. Am I feeling wonderful, happy, content, focused, generous, peaceful, kind, concerned for others, at this moment? Well, God is breathing out Love for me and desiring that I delight in that love. Am I feeling terrible, sad, angry, confused, selfish, disgruntled, mean, oblivious to anyone else’s needs at this moment? Well, God is breathing out Love for me and desiring that I delight in that love. Because “that is God’s only agenda.”
So first and foremost, I hope that we all give ourselves some time each day to stop and tune into God’s agenda: Stop and let yourself be loved. Accept the breath of love breathing in you at each and every moment. Delight in it. Accept it deep down in your bones!
And then, breathe out that love to all your relationships.
Are you in a basically happy and good marriage? Wonderful, delight in it and keep breathing in and breathing out Love! In a difficult relationship, going through a tough time? Divorced? Single and searching for “that someone”? Raising kids and feeling a mixture of thrilled and delighted to be a parent, yet also exhausted, wondering if you’re doing it “right,” feeling selfish for wanting a break? Taking care of an elderly parent and trying to be patient but going crazy with all mom or dad’s forgetfulness or incessant demands? Feeling overwhelmed with all the demands of life and relationships? Well then, keep breathing in and breathing out Love!
Truly, whatever the situation, just remember God’s only agenda: to breathe love into you! To have you know how much God delights in you JUST AS YOU ARE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. So, stop and breathe in the Love! Literally, as you breathe in, know that you are breathing in the very breath of God who is Love and who is filling your entire person with divine delight. Don’t make any excuses for why that can’t be. No “but…” Just delight in Delightful Love who is breathing you into existence at every moment.
And then keep trying to breathe out that same love to whomever you are with.
Because really, in the end, that’s the only agenda.
Peace and every good,
Father Liam